And when Lorde said, "It feels so scary getting old," it hit me hard.

And when Lorde said, “It feels so scary getting old,”

It hit me hard.

Because what do you mean I turned 20 more than a week ago,

That I’m no longer 9, waiting to go to double digits.

That I’m growing up and growing far from the people I love.

That school is over.

That before I know it, university will be too.

That I’m making more mistakes every day.

That I’ll have more to regret.

That every day I’m leaving a part of childhood behind.

That one day I won’t remember the scent of my childhood home.

That my old toys will sit in dusty boxes — untouched, unseen.

That one day my scars will suddenly look lighter than they always did.

That healing doesn’t mean forgetting, but forgetting still happens.

That my favourite boy band will just be a band people only know by name.

That the songs I once screamed in my room

will one day play quietly in the background of someone else's memory.

That my family will continue expanding,

but somehow in all the chaos, I’ll go farther from them.

That I’ll miss birthdays.

That I’ll miss people.

That I’ll miss versions of myself that no longer exist.

That I’ll find love, maybe even lose it.

That the first heartbreak won’t be the last.

That I’m growing up and growing far from the people I love.

That I’m still learning how to hold on while everything else keeps moving.