A letter to someone who left too soon

My Dearest,

I find myself in tears every day. I miss you so much. It’s unexplainable. I wish you hadn’t gone so soon. I wish you were still here. I wish you had been treated better. I wish you had got the love and care you deserved. I wish I could’ve given you even a quarter of the love you gave me. I wish you hadn’t left like this. So suddenly. So painfully. So tragically.

I’m so sorry that I couldn't save you. I'd walk to the other side of the Earth if that meant being able to save you. I'd do anything to bring you back – but I know there’s nothing I can do.

I’m sorry. Truly. I failed you. I'm sorry there was nothing I could do for you. I hate that you left thinking you were alone, that no one cared about you, I hate that you left thinking that everyone had turned against you. I wish you had known how adored and loved you were by everyone who knew you.

I want to say everything that I never got the chance to say. I know it's too late. But thank you for everything. For being so kind, caring and loving. For teaching me that kindness always wins. For giving me some of the best memories of my life. For bringing a smile on my face. For teaching me to be strong. For teaching me how to love life. For teaching me that the storm passes, that dark does turn to light. Thank you for saving me, I wish I could've saved you too.

I don't think I'll ever move on from this. Truth is, I don't want to move on. Moving on means leaving you behind. It means you become a memory. I hate that I'll never see you smile again, that I'll never hear your voice again, that you'll never paint or cook or sketch or dance or write or sing or live again. I hate that you were given such a short time.

How do I say goodbye knowing it’s forever

I can't – I can't say goodbye

So, I will carry you in my heart

And let you live within me

In my heart and in my soul

In my mind and in my bones

In my art and in my scrolls

In my letters and in my poems

In my dreams and in my goals

And when we next meet

I'll tell you all about it.

I miss you and I’ll love you forever.

-a.